Self-Sabotage: The Enemy Within
We all get in our own way
occasionally and some people do it repeatedly. Self-sabotaging behavior results
from the same cause, a misguided attempt to rescue ourselves.
By Edward A. Selby, Timothy Pychyl, Hara Estroff Marano, Adi Jaffe, published on September 06, 2011 - last
reviewed on December 15, 2011
Are you sabotaging yourself? Some
people drink, some procrastinate, others are just way too modest. How do you
get in your own way?
1:
Dodging Emotions: The Help That Harms
We often get into trouble trying to
escape intense negative feelings.
Everyone does it sometimes. Some do
it regularly—shoot themselves in the foot or put obstacles in their own chosen
path. Behavior is self-sabotaging when in attempting to solve or cope with a
problem, it instigates new problems, interferes with long-term goals,
and unsettles relationships.
Comfort eating is a common form of
self-sabotage, especially when a person has weight concerns; self-medicating
with drugs
or alcohol is another common form, although procrastination
may be the most common of all. Less common is self-injury/cutting
to escape painful emotions, or going on shopping sprees when one can't afford
the merchandise. Click here for more.
2: Procrastination: Oops, Where Did
the Day Go?
We fool ourselves in the
minute-by-minute choices we make.
When it comes to self-sabotage, procrastination
is king. Why? Because procrastination is the gap between intention and action,
and it is in this gap that the self operates. The undermining behavior lies in
not closing the gap.
We make an intention to act, the
time comes, but instead of acting we get lost in our own deliberation, making
excuses to justify an unnecessary and potentially harmful delay. Who makes this
decision? We do. The self, in fact, sabotages its own intention. Click here for more
3: Extreme Modesty: The Case of the
Disappearing Self
There is a point at which
ingratiation is corrosive, and women too often find it.
Self-sabotage can show up in the
strangest places. Take the recent neuroscience
lecture in New York, which was followed by the customary question and answer
period. Eventually, the speaker announced there was time for only two more
questions, and a female neuroscientist, probably in her late 30s, wound up with
the last slot. But instead of asking her question straightaway, she fell into
what might best be described as a self-effacing dance. "Oh my gosh,"
she said, curling around the microphone stand as if to disappear into it,
"I'm the last questioner. I feel almost guilty."
She declared her near-guilt again before posing her question. I forgot the
question. But the prologue was memorable—it made the audience squirm. Click here for more.
4: Addiction:
The Long Slide
"I Did All the Things I Wasn't
Supposed to Do"
Self-sabotage is not an act, it's a
process, a complex, tragic process that pits people against their own thoughts
and impulses. Though we all make mistakes, a true self-saboteur continues to
try to fix those mistakes by top-loading them with increasingly bad decisions.
Addicts, for example, present a
parade of excuses and delusional thinking while avoiding the painful, decisive
action necessary to set their lives right. All too often we hear stories of
talented individuals who, despite much potential, allowed drugs and alcohol to
drag them down. For some, this is fodder for celebrity gossip
and tabloid junk. For me, it's the story of my life. Click here for more
